If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
