I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
