Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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