No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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