highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
