i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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