ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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