We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
