Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
