I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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