how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
