Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
