Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
