I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize