He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My breasts were aching with rage.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
