literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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