Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
