when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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