she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
