hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
