brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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