Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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