how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
