hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
