Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
