Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize