life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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