not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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