3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
