we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
