you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
