I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize