So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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