Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
