My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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