I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My ass is underappreciated
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
