Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize