I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
