I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
