she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
