I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
