"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
