I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
In America we eat man semen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
