carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
