woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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