So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The beer is more important than you right now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
