yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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