Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
