DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
