youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
