worst night to have a conscience
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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