Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
