the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
