The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
