Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
