I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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