Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
