this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
