my phone cant type all the emotion im having
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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