her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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