I hate all girls vehemently.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
