so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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