Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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