lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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