You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
