I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
