thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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