I'm going to jail i love you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And then the night went full on bisexual.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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