I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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