Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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