idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
