Plan B is the new Plan A
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We need to rekindle our bromance
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
