Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
